The Untold Truth
by thephoenixsong
Summary: Carter has a surprise visit


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the ER characters.**

**The Untold Truth, Carter Story.**

**Written By Louise Mills. **

**Please visit my web site at www.hacked2death.com/ERFanFiction**

Lately John started to feel like his life was beginning to make sense again, after the tragic day when he and Lucy were stabbed and she died. But all the sudden it seemed to go down a freefall Barbara, Lucy's mother came back into the ER today, which happens to be Lucy's birthday, this was the last thing he expected. She had asked him to come to the family house there were some matters to discuss Barbara Knight didn't say nothing more so John agreed to go, he was getting curious about what was to be discussed also he was a little anxious.

That was 2 hours ago and he had another hour left of his shift. And of course everyone in the ER had heard how Mrs Knight had asked Carter to go round to the family house tonight and the rumours were starting. "So Carter do you know why Mrs Knight asked you round the house tonight?" Dr Malucci asked a little anxious, as he knew everyone wanted to know why, but they hadn't asked Carter. John didn't look up from the paper work he was doing, which seemed all the sudden to pile up. "I honestly don't know all she said there were some matters to discuss. And I'm a little curious as to why" he softly spoke the next few words hoping no one could hear, "and little bit apprehenious!" but unfortunately Chuni had just been able to hear the last part. She was confused as to why Carter would have apprehension. She had to get it out of him as to why, "Carter, why did you just say that?" John was suddenly stunned with worry she had heard him. "Say what?" Chuni was now getting angry she knew Carter knew she heard and was trying to deny it so she raise her voice at Carter. "John Carter you shouldn't say things like that if you didn't want anyone to hear! There must be a reason why you are starting to feel some apprehension about going tonight, now tell me! And don't you try changing the subject or ling to me as we all know when you lie, your no good at it." Carter stared straight at Chuni and everyone else glanced upon Carter ready to hear what he had to say. Chuni notice Carter's stare it was a look that was saying please, please don't ask me, I can't. Chuni then realised Carter was no longer pleading with her, but was starring pass her into thin air. And his eyes all the sudden filled with pain and sorrow, like she had forced him to remember something he would rather forget.

John cursed Chuni in his mind she had made him think of Lucy. What they didn't all know was that him and Lucy had been together since that day in exam 6. And they had hidden it quite well, of course there were always rumours but no one really believed them.  They had some great times and he never really like thinking about them as it always made him realise after what he was missing and they would never have the future together they always talked about. He realised quite soon after her death that she completed him in every way. And wonder why did something like that had to happen, before you realised it. She was his soul mate in every way, and that's why he was apprehenious about going tonight maybe her mother had found out about them two.

He shrugged away the memories, as he knew people would be starting to get worried. He just wanted to get this day over and done with; first he had to get away from answering Chuni's question. Carter looked again at Chuni and said, "Please don't ask, I can't, I just can't." And he walked away from the desk towards the lift. As he stepped into the lift and the doors closed he pressed the button for the roof, once on the roof he began to breakdown, he couldn't handle this. The people down in the ER were like his extended family, and he couldn't tell them about Lucy as he would still loss his job, even thou she was dead, it was still an affair with his medical student. And she was one of the main reason he went on drugs in the first placed. And he wanted to tell them so much why she was the reason so they could understand. She was his soul mate, and after he lost her life didn't have any meaning and he just wanted to end it so he could be where she was. John never really believed in an after life until Lucy died. It was a comforting feeling to believe in an after life and that they will be together again one day. 

Meanwhile back down in the ER.

Everyone was just starring at each other they didn't expect that response from carter. You could tell by the way he spoke that he was about to breakdown and cry. What they all didn't know while the little scene between them and Carter was going on they had two visitors come into the ER. Randy was the first to notice them, "Carol, Doug, Oh my god, what are you doing here?" They all turned and smiled and greeted them except for Chuni who had been the only one who saw John's emotions and pain before he went off. It had just finally hit her, like she had run into a brick wall. All the pain she saw in his face was about Lucy, and that there was more between them then any of them realised. She became sad and cursed in her mind herself and them all in the ER; it was so obvious now all of what Carter has been though the last year had been because of Lucy. Chuni spoke quietly to herself; "We had been so self involved to realise he lost someone dear to his heart." Carol saw Chuni was getting sad, she went over to Chuni and asked, "Chuni, what's wrong?" Chuni looked up at Carol. "Carol, how could we be so blind?" Carol didn't understand and Chuni could tell but she didn't want to speck in front of the whole of the ER. "Carol, you want to get some coffee we need to talk!" Carol knew then it was about John. 

Carol poured the coffee and handed one of the cups to Chuni and sat down beside Chuni on the couch. "What did you mean by how could we be so blind!" "You didn't see John face after I asked him that question! The sadness and sorrow he his eyes, when the memories swept over him. It was really heartbreaking to see that's when I realised it was all about Lucy!" Carol did still not quite understand what Chuni was saying. "What do you mean about Lucy?" "He loved her Carol it was all there in his eyes, and not just normal love more like a once in a lifetime thing and he lost it. And we didn't realise, maybe it brought him to take drugs." Carol fully understand her now and the realisation of it dawn on her, she needed to speck to John. He always was able to talk to her and maybe it will help him. "Chuni I'm going to find John!!" With that she stood up and left the room she knew exactly where John would be.

Carol saw John huddled up in a corner on the roof, you could see he had been crying but it was like he had no more tears. "I thought you would be up here!" John's head darted up as he heard a familiar voice. "Carol! What are you doing here?" he said joyfully. "We came to visit! Doug's down in the ER still saying his hellos. I thought I come up to see how you are! We saw everything from a distance and how you reacted." John's smile disappeared, "Oh," he got off the floor and stood up next to Carol. "Yes we did, and I realised then you loved Lucy!" She was hoping he didn't realise she was lying as it was Chuni who brought it to her attention. John expressed all his feelings to Carol about everything; he just couldn't keep up with the lie anymore. Once John finished talking he realised it was getting late and had to go to the knight's house, and he gave his apologises for leaving. Carol stayed on the roof she remembered back to the night when she tried to committee suicide. She knew exactly how John felt, and her heart went out to him tonight. It was going to be hard to go to the house were Lucy was brought up in. 

John got out of his Jeep and slowly walked to the door, he slightly hesitated before knocking on the door. Barbara came to the door and asked John in, she walked him though to the living room, in the room were two other people. "Dr Carter I like you to meet a few of my relatives. This is my sister Rebecca and this is her daughter Lurlene. She herself will be starting her 3rd year at medical school in a few weeks." John smiled at them both and shook their hands, "Nice to meet you both." John sat down on the couch next to Rebecca and Lurlene as Barbara went towards the kitchen. Hw wouldn't think Lurlene was related to the knight family if he wasn't told so, she had dark brown hair and eyes. "Dr Carter, you worked at country with Lucy didn't you?" Lurlene asked, John was a little surprised she didn't know that he was Lucy's teacher. But he realised when he looked over t her, she did know but only wanted to start a conversion to break the silence that filled the room. "Yes, I work in the ER, and do you know what hospital you will be assigned to ject?" "No, but I think my mother and Aunty Barbara don't want me to go to Country!" Rebecca got up and excused herself she wasn't about to stay, when they were talking about medicine. "Lurlene did I notice some disagreement in your voice, with your mother and Aunt not wanting you to go to Country. Surely you understand why they don't want you to?" She signed heavily like she had been though is speech a hundred times before. "Of course I do, but it's my life and I would love to work at country. And plus what happen to you and Lucy doesn't happen everyday!"

A Few Hours Later.

"Dr Carter it was nice to meet you, I'm sorry me and Lurlene can't stay any longer!" "Nice to meet you two!" Barbara closed the door behind her sister and niece. "Dr Carter I just get us some coffee and we can have that little discussion I talked about earlier." "Sure" John made his way back into the living room and sat down patiently for Barbara to come back. Barbara came back in and placed a box on the table, and went back into the kitchen. John just starred that the box, he automatically recognised it being the one Lucy kept in her draw. Barbara came in with two cups of black coffee and handed one to John. "You do take your coffee black don't you? As I remember Lucy saying you did!" "Yes, Mrs Knight I do." "Oh Dr Carter please call me Barbara" "Sure, only if you call me John and not Doctor." They both laughed, and a silence filled the air. "John you are probably wondering why I asked you here tonight!" John nodded darning not to answer. "Well Lucy was one of those people even thou she was young, she had a will. And she wanted you to have the contents of this box." Barbara pick up the box and handed it to John. John couldn't say anything all he could do was stare that the box. "John a few people in the family have asked me why Lucy would leave anything to her teacher. And I told then its because you two were good friends as well as teacher and student." Barbara looked over that John he smiled and said, "We were and I miss her!" "John, I did know about you and Lucy being together. She always talked about her new boyfriend when she phoned home, but she never said a name. Then one day I insisted she tell me, but she wouldn't tell me until I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone. So I promised, she told me it was you, and I was a little shocked at first. But I got over it, I realised you were extremely kind and good to her. And that you never would let anything happen to my baby." John can't look at Barbara when she said all he could do was look out of the window. "And when the hospital phoned me saying Lucy had been brutally stabbed by a patient and died in surgery. I felt I was let down by you, because you were her teacher and her boyfriend and you let is happen to her." John could feel the tears coming in his eyes Lucy mother wasn't the only one who blamed him about Lucy death. He also blamed himself it hurt him to hear someone say the exact same words he had said to himself so many times before. "But the week I came into the ER to clear Lucy's locker and they told me how sorry they were and that you were lucky you didn't die as well. I realised they you couldn't of stopped the patient as you were also attacked." John finally turned around to look at Barbara, "But I could have stopped it if I was there a few minutes early!" "John don't think that way, what if you were there when Lucy was stabbed and you also was stabbed at the same time. Lucy didn't survive because she was stabbed before you, so if you were stabbed the same time you may not be here right now." John thought 'she has a point' but it didn't take away the guilt he had for causing her death. John looked down at his watch and noticed it was coming up to 10 pm. "Barbara you wouldn't mind if I left I have a early shift tomorrow." "Of course not and thank you for listening." "Your welcome." He picked up the box and car keys and went home. 

The Next Morning.

John walked into the ER at 6 am an hour before his shift was supposed to start. He hadn't been able to get one minute of sleep during the night, al he could do was stare at the box Barbara gave him the night before. All night he wanted to see what Lucy had asked to give him in her will, but he couldn't he just didn't have the courage. He knew the minute he opened the box all the memories of Lucy and him would floor back into his mind and that's what he had been trying to avoid since her death. John walked over to the reception desk and signed on to the computer and was greeted by Dr Greene. "Your Early! Did everything go alright last night?" "Yeah went fine!" John walked away towards the lounge, Dr Greene looked at John, he could tell John didn't handle what happen last night that well. He wanted to know what happen and that would explain why he was so out of spirits today. But he didn't know how to start; he just hoped John would be able to sort it out himself. 

Chuni was in the lounge as John walked in; she looked at him she could tell he didn't get any sleep last night he looked totally out of it. "Carter?" "Yes Chuni!" he said very sharply. "I'm sorry!" "About what?" "Yesterday I had no right to put you on the spot like that! I'm sorry." John smiled to her, "It's okay, and I suppose I deserve it, you all just care and you saw how I was yesterday. I wasn't really ready for what happen last night." John stared at Chuni, he knew it wasn't Carol who could have seen how he reacted yesterday, and he knew it was Chuni. "Chuni, I know you talked to Carol yesterday, of course she didn't tell me that, but I knew!" "Oh, so what weren't you ready for?" John picked up the bag he was carrying off his shoulder and placed it on the table. "Lucy had a will." "Really, I wouldn't think someone's Lucy's age would have a will!" "Yeah I know what you mean it was a shock to me as well." John started to unzip the bag and took out the box he was given by Barbara the night before and placed it on the table. "And Lucy left me everything in that box." Chuni just stared at the box wondering what Lucy had left him. "So what's in it?" "I don't know I haven't opened it ject." "Why haven't you?" John went silent concerning how to answer her, "Because I'm scared of what's in it." "Why?" "Because of all the memories it will bring back, and I don't want to be reminded of what I have lost." Chuni became sad for John he didn't need this kind of pain. "Carter you have to open the box, she obviously only trusts you with the contents." She looked down at her watch her break had just finished. "Carter, I have to get back to work. But remember this, she would want you to open that box! And you know she would." Chuni walks out and leaves Carter to his thoughts. 

John slowly opened the box the first thing he saw a picture of him and Lucy holding each other close at one of his grandparents ball's.  He smiled he could remember what she wore it was a long midnight blue dress with spaghetti scarps, and she wore black sandals, and her hair pulled up. He hadn't seen her look so beautiful before she looked like an angel. She wore perfume that was so sweet smelling he hadn't smelt it since, or knew what it was called do he could buy a bottle just for him. He placed the picture to the side and pulled out her journal. He couldn't believe it she left him her journal she would never once let him peek at it. And now she had given it to him in her will. He decided he read it later so he placed it in his bag. There was videotape and written on the label was Florida trip summer 1999. It was the video they filmed of the holiday together, he never got around to see it, and he was going to make sure he did now. There were some more photographs he smiled that them all and laughed when he remember what happen round the time the photograph was taken. 

Doug walked into the lounge and noticed John was looking at something, which had his entire concentration on. Doug walked up to John and looked over his shoulder and saw a picture with John and Lucy kissing. Doug walked back a few spaces and said, "Missed you yesterday Carter."  John quickly turned the picture over and turned to greet Doug. "Yeah, I know, sorry I was in a rush to get somewhere!" Doug walked over to the fridge and got out a beer from the secret hind out, and sat down on the couch. "So this that Lucy I saw in that picture you was kissing?" John just looked at him, he was considering if he should tell Doug. "Yes, god I can't believe I'm talking about me and Lucy!" "Why?" "Because she was my med student, and I still could get in trouble." "Yeah you could still get in trouble, but you probably won't they know how much you been though John!" "Yeah but I can't take the risk now." "Why not, what kind of life will you have if you don't take chances or risks?" There was a silence for a while, and then John decided to tell Doug a short story about his life. "You know all my life I have been told what to do and how to do it. I never thought in my life I would ever break a major rule. I have broken some minor ones, but only for a better outcome for a patient or me.  But then Lucy came along it was like I lost control of my entire mind and body, you know what I'm talking about?" Doug nodded his head, "Yeah, every time I see Carol, Love does strange things to a man!" "Yeah it does, but I felt that way about Lucy the first time I meet her." "Love at first sight!" John ran his hands though his hair, "Sort of I suppose I never really believed in Love at First Sight…" "Until Lucy." John looked down at his hands, which were trembling slightly. "Yeah! That's why I treated her so harshly in the beginning because I was so god damn attracted to her and I couldn't see clearly round her." "Yeah well we all knew you treated her differently in the beginning we just thought that was because that's how Benton taught you." John stood up and walked nervously around the room. "Well that's what I convinced myself too!" Doug looked at John sincerely, "So what changed?" John looked towards Doug. "When Dale said he was interested in Lucy." "What?" Doug said with a little chuckle in his voice. "I became extremely jealous." John started to laugh with Doug then stopped. "God I miss her Doug." Doug smiled at John, "I can tell!"


End file.
